Why Can't I Feel Normal???

I first got diagnosed with renal cell cancer in 2007. It was a shock that I will never forget. I went numb throughout my whole body. When I met my surgeon, Dr. Phillp Spiess form Moffit Cancer Center in Tampa, he said that he would remove the mass from my left kidney, cutting through my abdomen, and I should make a clean recovery and there was less than a 10% chance a mass would come back. Little did I know that this was only the beginning of my long road of dealing with the aftermath of having a Stage 2 carcenoma.

A year after my operation, I developed several hernias along the surgical incsion line, from my rib cage to right below my belly button. Fun right? Operation #2 commenced and a year later, Operation #3 after the repair failed. The thing is that all of the slicing and dicing did not cure the unbearable pain that I felt.  What is worse than the physical pain is the psychological pain. You go doctor to doctor, CT-Scan after CT-Scan and all they could say was that I had scar tissue built up, but that shouldn't cause you this much physical pain. I was lost and depressed.

After a while, I felt people got sick of hearing about my issues. I felt like a "Debbie Downer".  Hell, if it was cancer or I was going through chemo or radiation, then I had a "legitimate" reason to feel the way I felt. I had never been so alone in my life. All my pain walked down a one way street and I was living in the dark cave of forgotten patients, who just want to be treated like a human, not a victum, not a number, not a lottery ticket to bill insurance, and not a fraud. When I reached rock bottom mentally, God gave me a gift, an angel to guide me, to believe in me, most of all to love me.

Fast forward to 2015 and two years removed from a 4th operation to remove a second mass on my kidney. Happily married to that beautiful angel and we had a boy, we named him Evan. Life can be mean and knock you down, but God has been gracious. I am still running the same race. When will it end?!? The cancer may be gone, but my fight to be "normal" continues...and I am determined to win.