Felling Hopeless

Over the last few weeks, the scar tissue build up and whatever is going on in my abdomen has been getting worse. Along with the arthritis pain on both sides of my neck, which radiates through the back of my head like it's consistently being struck by lightning, it has been hard to be "normal" or at least act like my normal self. I am scheduled to go to Shands in a week but my wife, rightfully so, urged me to go back and see my primary physician, who told me during my last visit, that if my pain level got worse, or if there were any new symptoms before my Shands, visit to come back.

 My Primary Doctor is normally great when it comes to navigating my issues and referring me to the right specialists, so when she said to come back if needed, I figured she had some idea of Plan B if I showed up. The other day, I was scheduled to be her first appointment so I could get back to my new job right away. After going over the reasons why I was there with the nurse; adding to the never ending list my pissing issues. I was placed in a room where I sat and waited for 50 minutes! I was the first appointment mind you!! The Doctor finally came in, all hurried and asked why I was there and what she could do for me. I was a little shocked because I was waiting for her to start the conversation with, "Keith this is my Plan B since you are a mess." Why in the hell did she tell me to come back in two weeks if there was no Plan B!!

I did everything I could to not loose my cool. I left her office very frustrated and it sent me back into the mind set that there will never be a solution or a well thought out plan in order to help me get through a week without unbearable pain and I will be able to function without noticeable side effects of the medication I am on. Of course the next day I went to the pain doctor and saw the PA. I told her that I felt worse, mainly from the arthritis in my neck. She renewed my paid medication and looked at me like I had told her I felt "status quo". I understand more and more everyday why people with chronic pain feel hopeless.