Keep on Living

Last Friday night I was lying in my hospital bed stairing out the window looking at the stars in the sky. It was 2 pm in the morning and I was in the middle of another sleepless night and had all of my thoughts to myself. I have trouble sleeping or getting any rest when I'm in the hospital.How can anyone expect me to get any rest! There are tubes draining blood from my organs on both sides of my body, I'm hooked up to machines monitoring my heart rate, breathing rate, and many staples that makes up the incision line. When I finally nod off, there is always a nurse that comes in a minute later to check my vitals.

 With all that was going on in my life, it felt like their was a calmness and I was able to reflect on the weeks leading up to my surgery. I was feeling disappointed in myself because I felt that I had not done enough to enjoy my time with my wife and children before the surgery. Most people who has gone through the trials & tribulations of Cancer and the "aftermath", including myself, always preach about "enjoying life" and "appreciating & cherishing your time with spouse and loved ones" but I was not following my own advice during these weeks prior to my surgery. I acted like a "deadman walking ".

Dr. Mahan said that there was risks with this operation and after surgery, my pulse and blood pressure was constantly high. I'm  There was now a possibility of stroke, heart attack, etc.I decided that night that my Wife and I need to "Keep on Living", meaning that we need to enjoy the moments that we have together and we cannot make excuses about making new ones. For example, it is more important to spend a quality half hour together after Kids go to bed than to fold laundry or watch the ball game. The laundry will be there in the morning, one of us might not be.

When I got home from the hospital last week, I expressed my feelings to my wife and to my delight, she had already decided that we need to go on the honeymoon that has taken a back seat to work, 5 kids, my health, and life in general. It's easy to say or write that you are going to remain strong, but the hard part is staying strong over a long period of time.