The Long and Winding Road

My recovery from this previous operation has been a series of ups and downs. I have found that psychologically, I am tired of not feeling well, being in pain, dealing with fevers, sweats, chills, sleeping on my back, not being able to pick up my 2 year old son or be intimate with my wife. I have watched so much MSNBC, that I can have my own show and ramble on for an hour about how much Donald Trump is a racist, sexist, and egomaniac.  I want to feel normal again and be able to go on with my life!

Sometimes I get to the point that after 6 operations, my will to fight and be positive is gone. It seems that there is a set back lurking around every corner. For example, for the first time since the operation, I felt better last Saturday. I was able to push Evan in his stroller throughout the neighborhood, play with him, and laugh and have great conversations with my wife. Then Sunday morning, I noticed my stomach was bloated and it was painful and then the high fever came back on Sunday night. I went back to the Surgeon and I have a bad infection. He needed to create a hole in my stomach in order to drain the infection right in his office! So now, I am on antibiotics and having to change bandages twice a day.

When I mention to my wife that I'm ready to throw in the towel, she forcefully reminds me that I am loved and needed and that she doesn't want to go through life without me. Even though my wonderful wife has been stuck for weeks taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and going to her full time job, where she is learning a new position, she has the love and compassion to remind me how much I am loved by her and the kids. 

Later in the day, Evan was lying in bed with me and I was reading him a book. Spontaneously, he leans over and gives his Dad a kiss and a big hug! That's what keeps me inspired to "keep moving forward".